a different kind of blue

"My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand."

so much has happened since the last time i wrote properly,
i felt it was time to update my blog and let everyone know what all has been happening.
i'll write it in parts because it will be too much information in one go.

be prepared to hear something strange,
something beautiful.

the week after new years is when it all began.

the first week of january.

i was lying in my bed,
and S called me.
she says you are going to do what i ask you to do,
without complaining,
and asking any questions.

she asks me to sit up properly,
and tells me try and stand up.
i just laughed and said dont be silly.
she insisted,
with a very serious tone said "get up right now."

i try and get up,
i stand up.
i could do that even before.
then she asks me to try and take little steps and try and walking again.

i try.
it took me about 15 minutes to take steps and learn how to keep my balance but i

did it.
i took tiny steps..
i walked on my own two feet.
(my real and artificial leg)

i started feeling weird..
it felt like a wave of feelings was running through my whole body.
it felt strange.

i sat down,
and there was a feeling in my hand.
i felt my left hand..
and i felt it.
i touched it,
and i felt the touch...

i moved my left pinky,
and it moved..

i moved my every finger individually..
and they were moving..
i felt them move..
:)

i don't know how it happened..
i don't know why it happened....
but the feelings and sensations in my left hand were coming back..

i was crying..
S was crying with me...
we were laughing and crying...

after a while,
i asked her to hang on..
i wanted to see if i could hold a pencil in my hand...

and i could.


i was crying so much and i couldn't even see anything through my tears,
and i wanted to try and write something..
and i started writing my name,
and i was so overwhelmed..
i forgot the spellings of my name.

i held a pencil in my hand after 4 years.
i wrote my name with my own hand after 4 years.

a pencil is my life.

such a simple thing.

a pencil.

such an easy thing.

moving your hand,
picking up the pencil,
holding it in your hand,
and writing.

it took me 4 years to do that again.

i had been spending hours playing with a pencil,
trying to just grip it.

4 years.



and by way of a miracle,
once again.
it's happened.


i can stand up now.
i can walk now.
my left side is normal now.
my right side was okay,
but that's better too now.
i can write,
i can hold a pencil,
i can move my hands,
my arms,
my legs.

i feel pain now.

i'm back.
:)


mashallah.


p.s. i promise you there is more.
another blog.
another day.