tears in heaven

i have had a horribly bad stomach since eid day 3.
the halwaa purees and the niharees and the bbq have been coming out in all sorts of forms.
:P

i've been miserable and have spent the last 2 days in the washroom.
and as much as i hate the yogurt here,
i have been forced to eat it.
i'm better now,
just have fever which is manageable.

i spoke to M eid day 2 at night.
it's always nice talking to her because she's so absolutely hilarious at times,
and since i speak to her after long gaps,
it's always so much fun.

she told me of the dream she had of my friend E.

E met her when she came to see me in L.A.,
and fell in love with her.
till the day he died,
he wanted to be with her.

she never agreed to it on the grounds that they come from two different worlds.
their religion is different.
their life is different blah blah blah.

he was willing to leave everything for her.

they probably would have ended up together had he been here today.

:)


it was his birthday on the 18th.
she always dreams of him.
he always comes in her dreams.

he's never come to see me.
and i hate it.
hate it so much.

he's my best friend.
he was a brother to me.
he was there for me,
with me,
through every little thing.

sometimes i think that if he was here,
he would have solved and gotten me out of this mess a long long time ago.

i miss him so much.
so much so much so much.

he gave a message for me to M.
he said that i need to stop thinking that he could fix things for me.
the day that i stop depending on him and i start dealing with things on my own,
he will come see me.

:)

i hate him.
i love him.
i miss him.

i spent 25 years of my life with him.
he got me out of every trouble for 25 years.
we became boys from kids together.
we became men from boys together.

we had our first drink together.
our first cigarrette together.
we had our first girl friends the same month.
we had our first kiss the same week.
our birthdays are a month apart.
he was my first friend ever.

there was not one thing that we didn't tell each other.

he was always the practical one.
the serious one.
the good friend who always got the "you talk to him because he refuses to listen to us" from the parents talk.

he was a good guy.
a really really good guy.
and i can never stop depending on him.


"Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven"