i walk the line

i haven't written in a while.

the reason for that?

i wasn't in the mood.
i was in india.
i was busy.
i wasn't in the mood.

but i'm back,
and i am in the mood.

things haven't really been that great at all.
i was promised by rich that the day the verdict comes out,
i could meet S.

the verdict came out more than 10 days ago,
and we still haven't met.
there are problems,
i'm told.

i haven't been well,
and things haven't been going the way i expected them to go.
i asked S for one day,
and told her that if i am not able to do anything about us by the end of the day,
she could leave me.

nothing happened.
i told S to move on with her life and marry someone else.
she just laughed at me.

i was tired of the complaning,
the fighting with everyone,
the arguments that keep coming up.

i couldn't handle my life anymore.
too many people were controlling it for me.

i needed a change in scenary,
so i told rich i'm really unwell i want to go to india.
he said i cannot leave the house.
i asked brit to call up my doctor in india and tell him to call and say it's extremely important that he sees me.

and so with rich pissed off,
i went to india.
i told S i need some time to myself.
i want to decide what i want to do.

i stayed there for 3 days,
and i feel so much better already.

i came back last night.

fish is here from the states,
and i had dinner with him last night.
it was nice.
he explained the entire situation to me,
and told me that rich is only looking out for me.

he told me that rich is worried.
he will not do anything to harm me,
he is only doing this to help me.
he knows things that i don't.

fish said i should wait a while.
S and i should wait a little while.

i told him that i've decided i'm going to walk out.
i am sick of everything.
fish laughed and said you've come so far,
don't throw all this away by doing something so silly.
he told me to talk to rich,
and he would tell me what the problem is.

why am i not a free man yet.
why don't they let me go.
why can't i start my own life.
why can't i meet S.
if there is a problem,
what's the solution for it.

i am going to meet rich in 15 minutes.
i hope i get some answers.
some solutions.