change of blogs.

yes,
i have moved again.
im hoping wordpress would be treating me well.


i'm at the following address now,

soultrips.wordpress.com


see you all there.

Blogwordoftheday: Story

boy meets girl online.
they fall in love.
boy lives in a land far far away.
they plan to meet.
it doesn't work out.

5 years go by.

boy and girl still in love with each other.

one problem.

they still haven't met.
but they are still together.



that's my story.

have i got a little story for you

im going to continue the story from where i left it.

so after i was better,
and i could stand on my own two feet and walk around..
i decided to buy my own house.

i thought since the case is over,
and i'm mashallah okay now,
it's time that rich and fish and the likes go back home,
and i can move on with my life.

i asked fish to find me a house,
even a small one,
so i could just move in there.

when i told fish this,
and rich found out that i was planning on moving out,
he blew it.

he was concerned,
and he wanted me to stay with him because he thought there was still danger for me out there.
i'll spare you the details of the arguments with rich and what all followed,
but to cut the very long story short;
i managed to convince him and talked him in to letting me go.

fish found a small house for me,
and he said that him and nd will stay with me and settle me in.

so one cold night of january,
(i forget the date,)
nd, fish and i left the rich house and off i was to be at my new house.

the plan was to meet S in the morning,
she would drop by before going to work,
and then come again in the lunch break.

it was all good.
everything was settled.
i would meet S,
and our life would be normal once again.

but clearly.
that was too much to ask for.

we were half hour down the road when cars came from every direction,
stopped us.
fish and nd got out but they all had guns and they wanted me.

they were some random pakistani men.
they took me out of the car,
took me to one of their cars and sped away.

as far as i can remember,
they hit fish and nd and then left.

they brought me to a house.
made me sit on a cold iron chair.
tied my hands at the back.
tied me completely with ropes.

the time was around 5am because i could hear the fajar azaan.

then one man came,
and hit me in the face.
took off my shirt.
my shoes.
my socks.
my pants.
that's what they kept doing for about 4 hours off and on.

at 9am,
their boss came.

he was also a pakistani.

he came and splashed cold water on my face and sat in front of me.

asked me who i was.
i said if you don't know who i am then there is something very wrong here.

he hit me with his foot where it hurts the most.

he yelled and asked me again who i was.
i told him my name and he was who the fuck are you.
then he said things like you have friends in these agencies,
you know people in the Pakistani army.
he asked me who i worked for.

i didn't know what he wanted to hear so i remained quiet.
he hit me again.

when i spoke,
he hit me then too.

he left me.

that room was cold.
and it was january.

i wasn't wearing anything except for my boxers,
and everytime my eyes would close..
they'd come and splash freezing cold water on me.

i was tied.
it was a dark room.

they wouldn't let me pee.
they wouldn't feed me.

i was there since 5 in the morning.

the cycle continued till about 7 in the evening.
that's when rich came,
and there were men around me and they were arguing and yelling.

i had no clue what was going on.
i was completely disoriented.

rich was able to get me untied.
but that didn't help me much.
they untied me,
and left me there.
i fell on the cold floor,
and i just lay there.

that's the last thing i remember.


i'm told that fish came and at 11,
he came and picked me up and took me to the hospital.
i couldn't stay there for a long time either,
it was unsafe.

i was there for one night.
the next day,
i was shifted.

my body was okay,
but broken in to a million little pieces.
it's been a month and i still have problems swallowing food.

for 2 weeks,
i survived completely on fluids.
even water hurt.

i couldn't speak.
my tummy hurt.
my back hurt.
my fingers hurt.
my leg hurt.
my head hurt.

my face was broken.
my lips were bruised.
i lost 4 more teeth.


i don't know how i survived those 18 hours.
but i did.

i'm still running.
still hiding.
i have no home at the moment.

i move every 2 days.

how i got to running and hiding,
is a new story altogether.

but for now.

i'm still alive.



"Is something wrong, she said
Well of course there is
Youre still alive, she said
Oh,
And do I deserve to be
Is that the question
And if so...if so...who answers...who answers..."

oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

this is the last time i can log in to my old blogger.
this is moving to blogger beta tooo,
and i don't EVEN HAVE A CHOICE.


GRRRRRRR.



thank God i recently moved all my postings from here to wordpress.
or i would have lost them to blogger just like my old posts of pkblogs.com/soultrips.


most unhappy.


i don't know what i will do with this fucking beta blogger.
it better work.


blogger just managed to ruin a perfectly good morning.

5 years

yup.

that is how long S and I have been together today.




"Dance with me
Dance with me
All night long
We are the music
We are the song"

a different kind of blue

"My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand."

so much has happened since the last time i wrote properly,
i felt it was time to update my blog and let everyone know what all has been happening.
i'll write it in parts because it will be too much information in one go.

be prepared to hear something strange,
something beautiful.

the week after new years is when it all began.

the first week of january.

i was lying in my bed,
and S called me.
she says you are going to do what i ask you to do,
without complaining,
and asking any questions.

she asks me to sit up properly,
and tells me try and stand up.
i just laughed and said dont be silly.
she insisted,
with a very serious tone said "get up right now."

i try and get up,
i stand up.
i could do that even before.
then she asks me to try and take little steps and try and walking again.

i try.
it took me about 15 minutes to take steps and learn how to keep my balance but i

did it.
i took tiny steps..
i walked on my own two feet.
(my real and artificial leg)

i started feeling weird..
it felt like a wave of feelings was running through my whole body.
it felt strange.

i sat down,
and there was a feeling in my hand.
i felt my left hand..
and i felt it.
i touched it,
and i felt the touch...

i moved my left pinky,
and it moved..

i moved my every finger individually..
and they were moving..
i felt them move..
:)

i don't know how it happened..
i don't know why it happened....
but the feelings and sensations in my left hand were coming back..

i was crying..
S was crying with me...
we were laughing and crying...

after a while,
i asked her to hang on..
i wanted to see if i could hold a pencil in my hand...

and i could.


i was crying so much and i couldn't even see anything through my tears,
and i wanted to try and write something..
and i started writing my name,
and i was so overwhelmed..
i forgot the spellings of my name.

i held a pencil in my hand after 4 years.
i wrote my name with my own hand after 4 years.

a pencil is my life.

such a simple thing.

a pencil.

such an easy thing.

moving your hand,
picking up the pencil,
holding it in your hand,
and writing.

it took me 4 years to do that again.

i had been spending hours playing with a pencil,
trying to just grip it.

4 years.



and by way of a miracle,
once again.
it's happened.


i can stand up now.
i can walk now.
my left side is normal now.
my right side was okay,
but that's better too now.
i can write,
i can hold a pencil,
i can move my hands,
my arms,
my legs.

i feel pain now.

i'm back.
:)


mashallah.


p.s. i promise you there is more.
another blog.
another day.

Blogwordoftheday: Inside

"I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name"


U2

the "Be" tag

i haven't lead a very thrilling life in the past.
and i have never been very ambitious.
i like things simple.
and real.
but here goes the daymn be tag.


At 7 years
friends with all the girls in my school.

At 10 years
an insaan ka bacha,
for mum,
but just didn't know how to do it.

At 12 years
a pilot.

At 16 years
out of of high school.

At 20 years
sober again.

At 24 years
the best architect in the world.

At 26 years
able to stand up on my own two feet again and be able to hold a pencil in my hand again

At 28 years
out of this mess and start my own life.

Today,
with my baby and live happily ever after.

falling awake

You never get to choose
You live on what they sent you
And you know they’re gonna use
The things you love against you

One foot in the grave
One foot in the shower
There’s never time to save
You’re paying by the hour

And that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake
And that’s just the way it goes