last week i went to see someone with rich and fish.
it was late at night and i was hungry,
and there was a mcdonalds on the way.
i asked rich if we could stop there and eat,
and we were going to do drive-through when i asked rich if we could sit inside and eat.
he was a little hesitant,
we went inside.
sitting at a mcdonalds,
i realized that the last time i sat in any restaurant and ate was april 2004.
and now it's december 2006.
what that felt like?
i wish i could explain,
but i won't.
noone will understand.
last night i was remembering old times and i thought of farah..
thinking of those days when i was married to her,
it was all so surreal..
just going through the days of my life before my accident,
it feels weird.
just because it's been so long now..
i don't remember those days,
or even living that past...
"..it's bad when you annoy yourself
don't wanna be my friend no more
i wanna be somebody else"
a little something about me
since i have never written about myself,
i will dedicate the post today to me.
i feel like telling you about the kind of person i am.
the kind of person i was.
and my life before i got stuck in this mess.
sometimes even i dont believe myself that i had a normal life.
ive been involved in this too long.
it's been too long.
dad was a doctor,
and he had shifted to the states a long time ago.
he saw this girl at a wedding and decided that buss.
i will marry her.
she turned out to be some family friend,
and without many problems,
mum and dad got married.
after i was born,
dad decided he couldn't stand the country any longer and decided to move back
to the states.
so when i was 3ish,
we moved to D.C.
i was a devil as a child.
i remember all of my sharaarats.
i have mentioned a few in my old blog before.:)
mum used to be alone at home with me,
we never had a maid or a sitter.
and dad was at the hospital for most of his day.
that's why growing up,
i have heard of all my escapades from mum.
my friend zak and i were next door neighbors for a little while,
and there were 3 girls who used to live in our neighborhood.
we became good friends with them,
and i remember how fascinated zak and i used to be of their boobs.
we'd sit in the school for hours discussing them and wondering what they'd look
i was always good with drawings,
and we'd make soo many different sketches of them.
after the first time zak saw one,
i remember he came running to my house and we went to my room and he drew it
we discussed it at length!
zak and i were always the partners in crime.
we did all the wrong things together.
in the 9th grade i fell in love with this girl.
she was my senior.
i never had the guts to speak to her.
i knew the times of her classes,
and i used to stand outside her class just to look at her.
on her graduation,
i sent her a flower from anonymous.
i will never forget the smile on her face when she held that flower,
and how she looked around.
she saw me,
and i ran.
mum wanted me to be an architect,
and i sure as hell didn't want to become a doctor.
or study sciences or economics.
i loved drawing and sketches.
i went to NYU for a quarter.
then decided to do architecture.
i had many girlfriends.
i hated them all.
they wanted time and attention.
they didn't ask me for it,
they expected it.
i don't remember birthdays.
i don't remember important days in my life,
in peoples lives or otherwise.
i hated it when a girl would fight with me because i didn't call her all day,
or she didn't know where i was for 2 whole days.
i couldn't stand them.
and i couldn't stand when they acted as if they owned me and my life,
and i was somehow answerable to them for the way i was living my days.
they were all so annoying.
they all wanted something more with every passing day.
(for all those thinking what a fucker,
i was a fucker.
i still do have those tendencies btw.)
i love dancing.
absolutely looooooove dancing!
i used to party every single night.
there was this song which was released a few years ago by baby doll,
i heard it and i went insane.
i wanted all my friends to hear it and see the video and i wanted to play it at a club.
i bought a fucking $80 vcd of baby doll.
i was in NY i remember.
we went to this club,
we got someone to play our cd.
there was this one step that baby doll used to do in the video,
zak and i had learnt it.
we started dancing like that in the club,
and by the end of the night,
every single person in that club was doing the baby doll step!
hahahaha that was one awesome time.
one latest song that i want to play at a club and rock it is arif lohars "jugni."
everytime i hear it,
i miss all my friends so much.
so so so so so so so so so so much because i know we would have rocked any party with it.
i miss them.
i have so many anecdotes to tell.
i'll keep writing them off and on.
why can't i comment on other peoples blogs using pkblogs or inblogs and everyone else can?
i walk the line
i haven't written in a while.
the reason for that?
i wasn't in the mood.
i was in india.
i was busy.
i wasn't in the mood.
but i'm back,
and i am in the mood.
things haven't really been that great at all.
i was promised by rich that the day the verdict comes out,
i could meet S.
the verdict came out more than 10 days ago,
and we still haven't met.
there are problems,
i haven't been well,
and things haven't been going the way i expected them to go.
i asked S for one day,
and told her that if i am not able to do anything about us by the end of the day,
she could leave me.
i told S to move on with her life and marry someone else.
she just laughed at me.
i was tired of the complaning,
the fighting with everyone,
the arguments that keep coming up.
i couldn't handle my life anymore.
too many people were controlling it for me.
i needed a change in scenary,
so i told rich i'm really unwell i want to go to india.
he said i cannot leave the house.
i asked brit to call up my doctor in india and tell him to call and say it's extremely important that he sees me.
and so with rich pissed off,
i went to india.
i told S i need some time to myself.
i want to decide what i want to do.
i stayed there for 3 days,
and i feel so much better already.
i came back last night.
fish is here from the states,
and i had dinner with him last night.
it was nice.
he explained the entire situation to me,
and told me that rich is only looking out for me.
he told me that rich is worried.
he will not do anything to harm me,
he is only doing this to help me.
he knows things that i don't.
fish said i should wait a while.
S and i should wait a little while.
i told him that i've decided i'm going to walk out.
i am sick of everything.
fish laughed and said you've come so far,
don't throw all this away by doing something so silly.
he told me to talk to rich,
and he would tell me what the problem is.
why am i not a free man yet.
why don't they let me go.
why can't i start my own life.
why can't i meet S.
if there is a problem,
what's the solution for it.
i am going to meet rich in 15 minutes.
i hope i get some answers.
Invent- a Blogword
this will be fun to read:)
i have a tendency of playing with words all the time,
and i always keep inventing new words.
there are three words i can think of right now so i will post them.
when i remember more,
ill add them.
some people are just bongustaans.
they are not bongay and/or bongee.
S came up with this one.
it's one of the cutest words i've ever heard:)
when is a good time to give up on love and life?
what does one do with a feeling of loneliness?