summer's almost gone

my hearings are over.

the closing arguments will be given on monday inshallah and then the verdict.
the verdict can be given the same day,
or the jury might decide that they need some time to make their decision.
which is okay too.

for me,
the worst is over.

it was the hardest thing in the world to sit there,
alone,
listening to people discuss my life that they only have known of after reading a few

piles of paper.

it was hard enough living it the first time.

it was exhausting,
emotionally draining,
and physically tiring,
to sit there.

the frst 3 days of the hearing i sat there listening as my witnesses came,
took everyone through my life after the accident.
it was too much detail.
too much discussion.
too many incidents.
too many happenings.

i realized how much i had forgotten.
for the better.

and it all kept coming back.
slowly.
word by word.

and it wasn't the end once it was said.
then it was discussed at length.

my parents death.
my familys deaths.
my friends.
my friends familys.

about S.
about M.

what all happened with them.

how it happened.
why it happened.

my health.
my reports.
my progress.

i took the stand yesterday and i had to tell my story from the beginning in my

words.
how i lost my family.
my life.

if that wasn't hard enough itself,
at the end i was questionned about it.

a few of the questions that i remember i will quote.

"what guarantee do we have that when you're a free man you would not want to

take revenge from my client"

"why should you be set free?"

"where are you going to go?"

"isn't it better just to die than to live the life that you're living?"

"do you take responsibility for what your father did to my clients son?"

"what are you planning on doing when you get out of this?"

"do you forgive my client?"


the defence was a bitch.
i think i handled it alright.

i didn't get nervous.
i didn't get pissed off because there was not much reason i had to be mad about

anything.

the only reason i was being asked such ridiculous questions was because the

defence knows that they have no case,
and the clients in big trouble.

the defence client is my fathers friend,
whose son passed away in the same hospital where my father was practicing.
i wrote the background and how this mess that i'm in got started in my old blog,
www.pkblogs.com/soultrips

that man,
who himself was a doctor,
has lost his sanity.

he took the stand,
and said it out sitting at the seat that "i will not let you live in peace."

i'm not sure what i'm up against,
but i know for a fact that i will win the case inshallah.


this case,
sitting through the hearings is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do.
these hearings were long,
and i had to sit through every minute of it.

you don't know what it feels like when strangers are discussing your life,
and you are expected to sit there and listen,
to a life that you have lived.
the tears that you have cried.
the minutes that you have spent.
the pain that you have suffered.

you don't know what it feels like when strangers are reading a piece of paper on

which every breath that you have taken is written.

i saw the papers and files when my lawyer came to see me,
and she was asking me questions about my life.

at one point i said something,
and she interrupted me and said "but it says here that blah blah blah"
all i was able to say to her then was "okay, if it's written on a piece of paper, then

that must be how it happened."

i didn't say it to embarass her,
but noone knows what it feels like.

i opened up one of the files to see what was in it,
and there was a record of my daily activities for that particular day,
minute by minute.

i don't know why i'm writing all this.
i think i want to remember all the feelings i felt.
and i have been feeling ever since the beginning of the case.

like i mentioned in the beginning,
i had forgotten too much.
and being reminded of it all was much too painful.

i think now i feel that if i remember,
and then am reminded of,
it won't hurt as much.

when i was telling my story,
i cried.

and everyone in that room cried with me.

and somehow...
that made it easier to say..

but it didn't make it better.


but i got through it.

that time has passed.
i made it through.

i have never even once thought of taking revenge for whatever happened to me.
and what was done to my family and friends.

my God has always given me the strength.
and has always shown me the better path to take.

all i want now is my life back.

i'm just another person like everyone else.
what difference will my living in a normal house,
with my wife,
my kids,
my small family,
in a small town,
in any city,
in any country,
make to anyone else in this world?

no difference.


i think it would not be blasphemous of me to think or even say that i deserve a life

too,
don't i?



"Strange days have found us
And through their strange hours
We linger alone
Bodies confused
Memories misused
As we run from the day
To a strange night of stone"



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http://www.italk2much.com/)