soultrippy: January 2007

a different kind of blue

"My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I can't explain, you would not understand."

so much has happened since the last time i wrote properly,
i felt it was time to update my blog and let everyone know what all has been happening.
i'll write it in parts because it will be too much information in one go.

be prepared to hear something strange,
something beautiful.

the week after new years is when it all began.

the first week of january.

i was lying in my bed,
and S called me.
she says you are going to do what i ask you to do,
without complaining,
and asking any questions.

she asks me to sit up properly,
and tells me try and stand up.
i just laughed and said dont be silly.
she insisted,
with a very serious tone said "get up right now."

i try and get up,
i stand up.
i could do that even before.
then she asks me to try and take little steps and try and walking again.

i try.
it took me about 15 minutes to take steps and learn how to keep my balance but i

did it.
i took tiny steps..
i walked on my own two feet.
(my real and artificial leg)

i started feeling weird..
it felt like a wave of feelings was running through my whole body.
it felt strange.

i sat down,
and there was a feeling in my hand.
i felt my left hand..
and i felt it.
i touched it,
and i felt the touch...

i moved my left pinky,
and it moved..

i moved my every finger individually..
and they were moving..
i felt them move..
:)

i don't know how it happened..
i don't know why it happened....
but the feelings and sensations in my left hand were coming back..

i was crying..
S was crying with me...
we were laughing and crying...

after a while,
i asked her to hang on..
i wanted to see if i could hold a pencil in my hand...

and i could.

i was crying so much and i couldn't even see anything through my tears,
and i wanted to try and write something..
and i started writing my name,
and i was so overwhelmed..
i forgot the spellings of my name.

i held a pencil in my hand after 4 years.
i wrote my name with my own hand after 4 years.

a pencil is my life.

such a simple thing.

a pencil.

such an easy thing.

moving your hand,
picking up the pencil,
holding it in your hand,
and writing.

it took me 4 years to do that again.

i had been spending hours playing with a pencil,
trying to just grip it.

4 years.

and by way of a miracle,
once again.
it's happened.

i can stand up now.
i can walk now.
my left side is normal now.
my right side was okay,
but that's better too now.
i can write,
i can hold a pencil,
i can move my hands,
my arms,
my legs.

i feel pain now.

i'm back.
:)

mashallah.

p.s. i promise you there is more.
another blog.
another day.

Blogwordoftheday: Inside

"I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls
That hold me inside
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name"

U2

falling awake

You never get to choose
You live on what they sent you
And you know they’re gonna use
The things you love against you

One foot in the grave
One foot in the shower
There’s never time to save
You’re paying by the hour

And that’s just the way it goes
Falling awake
And that’s just the way it goes

Blogwordoftheday: Imagine

an old man crossed a house a few months ago,
and stopped by and wanted to meet the man who lived there.
the guards asked him why?
and he said everytime he passes this particular house,
there is this beautiful fragrance which comes only from this house.

he said i know there is someone very special living in this house,
and i want to meet him.
the guard came and told me,
and i went outside to see what it was all about.

he was waiting outside in the lawn,
and as soon as i came out the door,
he smiled.

he spoke to me and told me i'm special.
he told me about the fragnance.
he spoke to me about God.
about life.

he spoke to me.

after that day,
he started coming often.

he came day before yesterday again.
yesterday evening,
something happened.
he was shaking,
sweating and his heart beat was so fast.
i knew i was going to lose him very soon.

he became better for a while,
and spoke to me again.
about so many things.

at around 345 in the morning,
i lost him.
we were on our way to his home,
taking him to his family.

i couldn't help him.
i couldn't keep him alive for just another 15 minutes for his family to see him one last time.

i cannot help but feel and think that everyone who ever comes to me,
gets close to me,
dies soon after meeting me.

i have lost count of the number of people who have died on me.

can anyone of you even imagine what it's like being me and living my life?

Blogwordoftheday: Be

"Oh, I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing, but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted,
The way I'd like to be
For you, for me, come crash into me
Come crash into me,
yeah..."

Dave Mathews Band

tagged:)

10 weird things about me,
i think that's what i'm supposed to list down.

1. i always pour half a glass of water.
i never fill the glass of water.

2. i know there are presences around me,
and i speak to them; outloud like they are in front of me.

3. i like laguna beach.

4. i make a bite of the naan,
open it and then eat it.

5. i save everything from msn conversations to cinema tickets to stones i pick at different places.

6. i forget names.

7. i can talk to God and He speaks to me.

8. my body temperature is 99 at any given normal day.

9. i love sneezing.

10. i'm half deaf from my left ear.

Blogwordoftheday: Write

i want to tell you what all has happened with me in the past 2 weeks.

the good.
the bad.
the ugly.
the painful.
the horrible.
the unbelievable.
the supernatural.
the unbearable.

it all happened,
and so much more.

i want to write it all,
i want to share it all.

i want to share what i felt,
so i don't forget.

but i don't know how many would believe it.

but i will post it,
not today..
but soon.